Mouth sounds while they eat, leather jackets with the fake gray sweat hoodie attached, misusing there, their and they’re – the ick can get you when you least expect it, rendering someone you once found sexy practically repulsive. Defined as the thing or behavior that makes your initial attraction to someone flip to disgust, it’s hard to unsee or unknow once the ick arrives.
While this unfortunate reaction can occur within intimate relationships, it runs rampant on dating apps. Swiping through an infinite number of faces, bio after bio, and talking to the humans behind the bios, it’s very easy to learn behaviors or ways people choose to represent themselves within their profile that absolutely kills the vibe.
“People are using these digital behaviors to vet potential partners early on,” Anna Hintsyak, the dating forecaster at Pure app, said. It’s become part of the organic weeding out process. “The data shows that people want to see the other person’s interest in them, moving away from the notion of ‘playing hard to get’ or trying to be the one who can care less.”
Sometimes a pretty face cannot overcome your icks, and that’s OK. Much like trash, one person’s ick is another person’s treasure. But, there are some undeniably common icks dating app users share ranging from completely frivolous to character-definingly cringe. These are the top eight dating app icks, ranked.
Sometimes a pretty face cannot overcome your icks, and that’s OK. Much like trash, one person’s ick is another person’s treasure. But
8. Poor grammar
According to data from the women-led dating app Pure, 71 percent of respondents hate when users ask a question and leave off a question mark. Oftentimes, they think lack of punctuation or lazy grammar tells a larger story of issues down the line. Najah Alara, a 25 year old digital nomad, said, “It’s giving lack of effort and carelessness.”
As basic communication is important to putting your best first forward when meeting digitally, it’s make or break for some. “It feels like someone who would have bad grammar might also have a hectic relationship with themselves. It makes people question how that person would be able to build healthy communication with others,” Hintsyak said. Yet, this common ick is rooted in elitism and ignores users that may be dyslexic or experience other reading disabilities.
7. Burning Man pics
Sometimes, the photos a dating app user chooses show that they’ve hinged their entire personality on a singular activity or experience. We all want someone who has passions and interests, but occasionally, it says something a little deeper than that to those who swipe by your profile. Burning Man festival pics all over a dating app bio are one of them.
“It just tells me there’s a good chance our cultural values aren’t in alignment,” New Yorker Grace Gordon said. “I see Burning Man as a festival for rich people to play poor or suspend their position in society and fantasize about a non-capitalistic world.”
“It just tells me there’s a good chance our cultural values aren’t in alignment.”
To users with this specific ick, it’s indicative of a lack of self awareness, particularly in terms of their privilege and place in society.
6. Voice notes in the bio
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A 2017 study showed that voice ranks very high on how we judge attractiveness. Apps like Hinge and Bumble implemented a voice note function within their bios since 2021 where users sing, crack a joke, and just outright ramble. Hearing a match’s voice can be a huge deciding factor: it can be the hottest thing you’ve heard in a while, or give you an oversized helping of the ick.
“I got the biggest ick when someone used the voice note function to sing ‘Hotel California’ in a Muppet’s voice. From there it was hard to justify why this function exists and is encouraged,” Emma, a 27 year old New Yorker who asked to keep her last name private, said. “I don’t think it’s doing anyone favors.” Some things about strangers are simply better left a mystery.
While voice notes might be an ick for some, it’s important to the addition of voice notes is an important accessibility for some users.
“I got the biggest ick when someone used the voice note function to sing ‘Hotel California’ in a Muppet’s voice.”
5. “Fluent in sarcasm!”
We get it, you think you’re funny, and that’s great. Good banter can make or break the path to the first date, but some daters hate to see this in your bio. “I love sarcasm and irony in the right situations and dosage, but presenting it as a trait might give off the vibe that the person likes to deflect a lot, and is playing it ‘too cool’ in an adult relationship,” Hintsyak said.
4. Being too comfortable too soon
Being overly comfortable too soon encapsulates a lot of micro-icks. Despite the fact that everyone is on dating apps to connect in some sort of way, the reality is these are strangers. You’ve seen their bio, that’s all. Therefore, a lot of people get the ick when someone tries to replace a first date with hang time at their home (stranger danger!), any mention of sex or their sexual performance, or talking about substantial future things like marriage and having kids before you’ve even met in person. It’s weird and not in a good way!
3. Opposing political views
Since the birth of Tinder and the modern dating apps that followed in the last decade, we’ve spent half of that time in a very divisive political landscape. From the Trump years to the handling of COVID and overturning of Roe v. Wade, the issues and opposing sides often make their way onto dating apps in terms of what people are looking for. They’re often posed as absolute deal breakers with demands to be aligned or swipe left.
Former Brooklyn resident Chris Alonzo now lives in Opelika, AL, and has dated a couple women whose views skewed more conservative than his since relocating. “You can work that balancing act for a little but eventually it gives,” he said.
2. Outright lies in their bio
For whatever reason, it’s insanely common to lie in dating app bios, and 68 percent of respondents have a problem with it according to a survey from engagement and wedding ring retailer, Helzburg Diamonds.
Whether it’s cutting a few years off your age to show up in a younger age range, or adding on a couple of extra inches to combat the popularity of men over 6 feet tall, the reality is you are not that age and you are not that height. While we know the intention is to get someone to connect and like your bio back in order to start a conversation, it’s likely the truth will come out. As you’re dating, on or off the apps, if you feel inclined to lie about these things, it’s worthwhile to focus on vulnerability and self-acceptance necessary to show up as your authentic self. No matter how small they seem, lying in order to match with someone isn’t the best foundation for connecting.
1. When their bio includes a laundry list of things they don’t want
No gold diggers! No drama! No redheads! Running through a checklist of things you don’t want will not attract anyone to you. It might bring someone to you that hates the same people, but do you really want to build a foundation on that? Oftentimes, these laundry lists are riddled with misogyny and come off as judgemental or bitter making you an instant pass for daters.
“It always seems like a red flag for low self-awareness when people only have a list of prior experiences they’re frustrated about to judge new relationships by,” Nick Guerrette from Berkley, CA, said.
A little less miserably worded but annoying nonetheless, a list of things people “must” be or have interests in – must love cats, must care about your physique, must be highly educated. Telling people they must fit into a box isn’t typically the right foot to start off on.
While it’s encouraged to firmly know what you want and what you can’t put up with in relationships, some icks hold more weight than others. And, it’s likely you’re also guilty of showing up with someone’s biggest ick. It’s just the nature of the game. Even though the way someone messages first can be truly unforgivable, ask yourself if it’s really the person on the other side of that bio or are you simply exhausted by the nature of the apps? If the icks feel constant, it may be time to log off.
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The top icks for dating app users, from bad grammar and awkward voice notes, to having a laundry list of things they don’t want in their bio.
